Spy Train (1943)

As American soldiers, sailors, and Marines swept overseas in the dark days of 1942 to battle the Fascist threat, our heroic Monogram filmmakers did THEIR part for worldwide Democracy and freedom by seeing to it that America's silver screens were filled with a steady output of crackerjack entertainment to keep the women, children, and 4-Fers happy. A typical wartime release from the studio was Spy Train, starring Richard Travis is a crusading anti-Nazi American journalist who finds himself in the thick of onboard intrigue.

It seems that Nazi fifth columnists have smuggled a bag containing top-secret German papers on board the writer’s train (“Magnificent!” one of the Bundists gloats to a fellow Fifth Columnist, “These Americans will learn another lesson in German efficiency!”) only, whoops, this bag actually contains a time bomb that was intended for an act of sabotage. Dumbass Krauts. Anyway, the journalist, his goofy comic sidekick (every actor in the history of Monogram Pictures either HAS a goofy sidekick or IS a goofy sidekick; no exceptions), a beautiful woman, and HER goofy sidekick (don’t ask) spend the rest of the train ride dodging Nazis, embroiled in amusing situations with the slow-witted porter (a black guy named Snowflake, ha, ha), trying to recover the Nazi briefcase (which they don’t know has a bomb in it) or engaging in badinage like this:

Lovely lady: “I enjoyed your book. Who wrote it for you?”
Author: “Who read it to you?”

Considering the entire cast is onboard a train with a bomb set to go off in just a few minutes, there’s surprisingly little suspense in the film, and the “Germans” speak better English than the Americans do, except for da Nazi wid a Brooklyn accent, cheez, y’know? 

The best moment in the film is when the “author” has to read a chapter of his own book to solve the mystery of the German spies. Somebody at Monogram should’ve made a movie in which the G-Man has to watch a Monogram movie to crack the case. Or maybe gone undercover as one of the East Side Kids! Now THERE'S a movie *I* want to see.

Spy Train is available on DVD from several sources; the one from Sinister Cinema is pretty good.