 | Hmmm. This week we've got what appear to be the cheapest-looking excuse for credits we've ever seen, and we've seen Monogram movies, for heaven's sake. Oh, wait, look who produced and directed today's 1956 film offering... explains a lot. Hey, nothing wrong with cutting corners. At least we know what to expect. And don't give us any of that "bad movie" crap. We love this film In The Balcony, and think it's even better than Cat-Women of the Moon! |  |
| Okay, here's the setup. Peter Graves works at a space program that is just like NASA, only based all in one small office. And their satellites keep vanishing. "The scientific achievement of the century has disappeared! We've got to find it!" |  | Incidentally, It Conquered the World isn't currently available on DVD, and the world of entertainment is poorer for it. |
 | Disbarred scientist Lee Van Cleef thinks he knows what the deal is, though: an alien intelligence on Venus is shooting down the spacecraft as a warning! (Okay, he's no lawyer, but whatever the scientific equivalent of "disbarred" is, he's it.) | |
| This is Mrs. Lee Van Cleef, and she's not having any of it. And what in the HELL was Beverly Garland doing marrying creepy, beady-eyed Van Cleef anyway? Did Fred MacMurray ever find out about this? |  | In any case, she's going to spend virtually the entire movie bitching at Van Cleef for being such a nut about Venus and Venusians. |
 | This is Mr. and Mrs. Peter Graves. Peter's even less impressed with Lee than Beverly is. "I'm going into town," he says to Van Cleef after dinner. "When I get back, I pray to GOD you'll be rational." |  |
| Turns out that Lee has invented a radio that allows him to talk to static, which Van Cleef claims is a superior intelligence from Venus who has just happened to take up residence in a cave outside of town. |  | Peter: "You're a sick man." Lee: "The whole world is sick." |
 | The S.I. from V. (a/k/a "IT") shows its might by copying Klaatu and turning off all the power in town, except of course for Lee Van Cleef's house. Oh, THAT'LL endear Lee to his neighbors. IT also has the ability to crap these big bats, see, and... |  |
| ...the town's top cop is the first victim. Once bitten by these things, you become a soulless automaton who lives only to serve your Venusian master. And the bats die. So it's a pretty bad deal all 'round. |  | |
 | Lee argues that once IT takes over, there won't be anymore crime, no war, no limit to mankind's progress. Peter points out that there will also be no emotion, no love. These two just are gonna have to agree to disagree. | |
| Beverly, meanwhile, is disgusted by the entire situation, and tells him, "For a few dollars, you can HIRE a woman who can match all your fetishes! |  | |
 | What with everything going on, the people start to panic, and attempt to flee in terror. This gentlemen attempts to flee with his saxophone, and I'm not even going to hazard a GUESS as to what THAT is all about. The army is called in, but it pretty much consists of Dick Miller and Jonathan Haze, so no WONDER everybody is panicking. |  |
| After a hard day of fighting a Venusian invasion, Pete would like to come home, put up his feet, light up a Lucky Strike, and maybe coax the little woman into bringing him a li'l drinky-winky. |  | |
 | Sadly, though, Mrs. Graves now is a slave of IT, and instead of a pair of slippers and a vodka & tonic she's got one of those big-ass bats for hubby. He manages to kill it, and then -- knowing that his chances of making it to his next anniversary with this woman are nil -- blows her away. He doesn't seem all that upset about it, either, oddly. |  |
| Bev is still giving Lee a hard time about the whole thing. "I won't love a monster! I won't!" she exclaims, but it seems to me she should've thought of that a long time ago. If I were her, I wouldn't even let this guy into my Holiday Inn. |  | |
 | Meanwhile, over at the Ghetto NASA, all the scientists are now working for IT except the pretty one, and she discovers a file full of dead bats, so she has to go. I don't know why she's wearing only a skimpy slip in this scene, but thank you, Roger Corman. | |
| Bev decides to take matters into her own hands, grabs the microphone and starts talking smack to IT. She tells him his days are numbered, and that number is ZERO. She then grabs a shotgun and heads for the cave. You GO, girl! |  | |
 | Hey, speaking of Roger Corman, if I ever go to one of his movies and DON'T see Dick Miller, I'm demanding my money back. Okay, so Beverly gets to the cave, and goes looking for IT. She finds IT, and the IT hits the fan. |  |
| YIKES! What th' hell IS that thing?!?! IT looks like Mr. Potato Head as designed by H.P. Lovecraft! Bev says, "You think you're going to make a SLAVE of this world! I'll see you in HELL first!" But alas, she beats IT there. I for one will miss her. |  |  |
 | Peter and Lee are listening in at home, and hear her death screams. At first, they think it's just the latest record by Little Richard, but once they realize what's going on, they decide to join forces and battle IT. Lee heads for the cave, Pete goes to Ghetto NASA, where he finds the late female scientist. He enters the office, guns blazin', and kills all of IT's minions. No mercy, this guy. |  |
| Privates Miller and Haze have called in their buddies to help them battle Satan's Condom, but their weapons prove useless. Hell, they don't even have adequate body armor. Have we learned NOTHING? |  |  |
 | Lee shows up with a blowtorch and a major mad on. "I made it possible for you to come to this earth," he hisses, "and you made it a charnel house!" Oy, right in the Venusian eye, the torch goes. |  |
| With its dying Venusian breath, IT kills Lee, and Peter Graves arrives to give us the moral to the tale. |  | |
 | "He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature. And because of it, the greatest in the universe." | |
| "He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves." | | |
| "And when men seek such perfection, they find only death. Fire. Loss. Disillusionment. The end of everything that’s gone forward." | |
| "Men have always sought an end of toil and misery. It can’t be given, it has to be achieved!" | | |
| "There is hope. But it has to come from inside. From man himself." |  |