Kitty O%27Day 1

	Well, as always we begin our show with a peppy cartoon; this week's it's CHINAMAN'S CHANCE, a 1933 animated antic starring the legendary Flip the Frog, created by Ub Iwerks.
Iwerks had long been a partner of Walt Disney's, but went off on his own in 1930 to produce his own cartoons. After a couple of Flip cartoons that featured what actually looked like a frog, Flip became a strange-looking creature that didn't resemble anything, save perhaps Mickey Mouse (a little).		In this cartoon, notorious Chinese gangster Chow Mein escapes from the hoose-gow and hides out in a Chinatown laundry.
	Flip the Cop is called in to find him, and with his faithful dog... his dog... well, I guess the mutt had a name, but they don't tell us. It wasn't Pluto, though, I'll bet.
The dog trails Chow Mein's footprints (which are walking down the street all by themselves) and leads Flip to the laundry.		This is a good place to mention that the cartoon is hideously racist in its depiction of Chinese people, in case you haven't guessed that already. The frog isn't amphibianmorphically correct, either, for that matter.
	Flip discovers that the laundry is a front for an opium den, and in the best 1930s cartoon style, he takes a big puff on a pipe and is soon "swimming" through the air and seeing mirages; he imagines Chow Mein is a beautifully woman, and gives him/her a nice froggy hug. Ugh.
Stumbling through a trap door, Flip lands in a pit of crocodiles, but manages to escape because... well, he's a frog. He can maneuver relatively well in the water. Despite the pants and big puffy gloves.		Chow Mein captures Flip and ties him to a rocket, but Flip's anonymous dog comes to the rescue. The whole bunch of 'em land right in the middle of the jail, and Flip is a hero.
	The Flip the Frog series ran through late 1933; he was replaced first by Willie Whopper, a fat kid whose cartoons were even worse than Flip's, and then by colorful animated fairy tales. By 1940, Iwerks was back with Disney where he belonged.

Chinaman's Chance is available on The Cartoons that Time Forgot: Ub Iwerks Vol. 2 from Image Entertainment.

Next is a 1934 short that's going to take us on a tour through Hollywood and let us look behind the scenes at an extravaganza being filmed. As the narrator puts it, "Hollywood can take us from a log cabin in Maine to a harem in far-off Turkey!"
The first thing we notice is that the movie studios all have basically the same signs on their walls, except for slightly different lettering. The narrator tells us that RKO has the most modern, up-to-date equipment. I never would've guessed. Here's a peek at the backlot of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer; if you look closely, you can see the set from... well, actually, I've looked VERY closely and I can't tell. All I can see is what looks like a yacht in a very small lake. Louis B.'s "love boat"? Hmmm.
Over in the casting office, we see the usual gang of extras looking for work, including a 4-year old who complains that she hasn't worked in THREE DAYS. She's just lucky she's 9 or 10 years too young for the casting couch!
After visiting with Busby Berkeley and a bevy of lovely girls, we step outside to find Rudy Vallee, who is probably on his way to meet up with that 4-year-old at the unemployment line. "Vitaphone" could be a verb in those days! See the things you learn when you pay attention during old movies?
Here's Pat O'Brien, who stays in shape by boxing (Ann Dvorak is the trainer). What they don't show us is that Pat's fighting Shirley Temple! And guess who's a "reg'lar guy"? Why, Cagney'll stoop so low as to let one of the stage hands light his ciggie. What a guy.
And now we see how a Hollywood picture is made, or at least a Hollywood picture that stars Hugh Herbert (who is shown applying his own makeup, which I doubt). I have never seen this film that they're supposedly making, and imdb.com shows no hint of it. Could it be that... movies are just an ILLUSION!?!??
Some of the "studio executives" gather together to watch the completed film(note Guy Kibbee on the right). We see a clip from the film, something about harem girls playing hide & seek with Hugh. They act as if he's the most attractive man on earth; I'm shocked none of them got Oscars.
And that's how the magic of movies is made, folks.

A Trip Thru a Hollywood Studio is available as a bonus on Warner Bros.' 42nd Street DVD.

And of course now it's time for the latest episode of our exciting serial. As we recall, John Wayne had just been knocked unconscious, and he didn't fall back against a nice soft comfy couch the way SOME people in movies do -- he fell right onto the railroad tracks. The train started coming! Is our hero doomed? If so, this is going to be a dull chapter!
Okay, the train passes right OVER the Duke. And his girlfriend goes and gets a couple of RR workers who help Wayne get to his feet. Wayne staggers off, and oddly enough, that famous "walk" of his (the one mimics always do) is in full view. Very comical.
Mr. Grey is charged with being the Wrecker; he isn't, the Wrecker wore a Mr. Grey mask, in case you forgot. Grey is pretty ticked-off about the whole thing, especially when John Wayne -- who has just FOUGHT the Wrecker -- bursts in to tell everybody that Mr. Grey is the Wrecker only now he CAN'T be 'cause he can't be in two places at once. Or as Wayne puts it, "What are YOU doing here?!?!?"
Stratton calls Edwards, head of the RR, and offers to trade the gold he has for the evidence of his innocence that he says Edwards has. The Wrecker gets wind of it, though, and tosses a message to his thugs outside.
John Wayne, being the John Wayne that he is, gets his hands on the message, too, and hightails it out to the ol' mine to trap the Wrecker before he can grab the gold. He stops on the way to beat a bunch of people up for no reason I could fathom. They must've deserved, it though. Meanwhile, the Wrecker -- now wearing the mask of Edwards -- has the evidence and the gold and a gun pointed right at Stratton and Stratton's daughter,the latter of whom is Wayne's girlfriend, although Wayne thinks her dad is a RR detective, not a terrorist and ex-con. The plot sure is complicated for a Mascot, or are we just getting old?
Okay, before the Wrecker can shoot anybody, John Wayne shows up, and the Wrecker retreats to the back of the mine, where -- with one bullet from his deadly .44 -- he hits a box of dynamite carelessly left at the mine entrance. The mine collapses on everybody.
And naturally, that's our cue that we're going to have to wait seven full days to see how Wayne and his friends get out of this one. Ummm... they WILL get out of this one, won't they?

Now, it's time for the trailer... And oh, boy! Next week, we've got a cowboy pitcher! And not just ANY cowboy pitcher... we've got a RED RYDER starring "Wild Bill" Elliott, Gabby Hayes, and Bobby Blake as "Little Beaver"! Yeee-hah!
And of course, we'll have specially selected short subjects as well... including the Three Stooges!
I dunno 'bout you folks, but I'm gonna line up outside at the Ticket Booth just as soon as school is out on Friday!

And our feature attraction this week is a thrilling Monogram mystery from 1944. The words "Directed by William Beaudine" needs no further comment from me, except to point out that the guy could direct two movies and sketch out the next day's setups -- before lunch.
Oliver Wentworth is a very rich man. He’s got $100,000 in securities in a portfolio, and he’s got to leave town tonight suddenly on business. Luckily he’s got a very competent (and lovely) secretary, Kitty O’Day, who is on call 24/7. Jean Parker, who plays Kitty, is perhaps best remembered (by me, anyway) for co-starring with Laurel & Hardy in The Flying Deuces. She was in one of the Inner Sanctum films with Lon Chaney, Jr., too.
Kitty's a good secretary, but a snoopy one, listening in on her boss's phone calls. Stuff like that can get a gal in trouble. Anyway, she's got to work that night, much to her boyfriend's chagrin. He threatens to "kill Wentworth", which the equally snoopy cabbie overhears.
Over at the Wentworth mansion, Kitty discovers that the lights are out, the boss is in the shower, and there's work to be done in the study. She also discovers a creepy butler, which is practically a fixture of Monogram Pictures. By the way, this is a MURDER MYSTERY, and we're going to reveal who the killer is. If you don't want to know, don't read on. Go read something else. It's okay, we understand.
In the study, Kitty finds a mysterious note to Wentworth's bank, and an ornate lighter. She then goes in search of Mr. Wentworth; perhaps she wants to see if he needs help scrubbing his back.
Yikes! She found him. Not in the shower, though! And if he's nude, well, we all owe Mr. Beaudine a round of applause for showing the corpse in shadow.
The detectives are called in, and if you guessed they're going to be a gruff Irishman and his dim-witted sidekick -- a guy who "moiders da English language" -- well, you've seen Monogram mysteries before, haven't you? This is Inspector Clancy (left) and Mike (right). They originally suspect suicide, but the coroner tells them that Wentworth was drowned in the tub and then hung. "Drowned and den hung up ta dry!" Mike observes wryly.
Okay, on our left we see Mr. Jeffers, Wentworth's attorney. He's a lawyer, he's got a little pencil moustache -- I dunno about you, but he's jumped to the top of MY suspect list. On our right, we see Mrs. Wentworth, who has a "protégée " named Harry Downs. Through her eavesdropping habit, Kitty knows that Mrs. W. is shedding crocodile tears -- and a cat fight ensues. The cops break it up before it gets good, though.
The letter and lighter Kitty had seen have vanished, so she and her boyfriend decide to snoop around Mrs. Wentworth's apartment. First, they have to sneak past the goony-looking desk clerk, who unfortunately isn't Frank Nelson. They don disguises and use a passkey to gain entrance.
The Widow Wentworth returns! Johnny Jones (the boyfriend; clever name, eh?) hides behind a screen and turns away so as not to watch Mrs. W. get undressed. We're not so prim, though. Meanwhile, Kitty gets caught, so she pretends to be a maid with a Cockney accent that wouldn't fool a goldfish. Fools Mrs. W., though.
But not for long. The cops are called, and Kitty and Jimmy take their act out on the ledge high above the city streets. Several minutes of hilarity ensue.
Inspector Clancy orders Mike to follow them out, see, and Mike is a big dolt, so it gets really, really funny. Well, maybe "really, really" is a bit too strong. At this point, while all that funny stuff is going on, let's just mention that the whole gang returned later that year in The Adventures of Kitty O'Day. We probably won't be showing that In The Balcony, unless people request it. So we probably won't be.
Kitty and Johnny duck in through a window and hide in the shower. Bad move, because Mrs. Wentworth's boyfriend is in there, stabbed through the heart. Kitty and Johnny are in big trouble now, although Mrs. W. is once again free to try and find a soulmate.
Searching Wentworth's office, Kitty finds the missing securities, but doesn't know what to do with them. Needing a lawyer, our Heroine and Hero go to Mr. Jeffers, and I have a bad feeling about the whole thing. Jeffers advises them to give him the securities and meanwhile he'll hide them out in a little place he knows on the other side of the tracks. He promises to straighten everything out with the police.
Hey, what's this? The lighter Kitty had seen at the murder scene -- on Jeffers' desk! I told you to watch out for this guy. He sees that Kitty is on to him, and secretly sticks a gun in her back. They're off to his secret hideout, but that cabbie looks familiar.
Johnny and Kitty are roughed up but good, but Kitty won't say where she hid the securities. So Johnny is dragged off to be drowned in the bathtub. Lots of bathtub murders in this movie. The corpses are going to be very clean. Luckily, though, our pal the cabbie went to the cops 'cause he doesn't trust lawyers with thin moustaches either.
The big dumb cop tries busting in the door -- but Kitty has broken free of her captors and opened it first. I tell you, this is one funny movie.
Johnny, the Inspector, and Kitty get together to solve the murders, but I have to tell you: I don't understand a single thing they said. Something about a gang dealing in stolen securities, but we KNEW that already. They suggest Mrs. Wentworth was part of the plot, but they don't tell us for sure. So let's assume she was. At least she knows a lawyer. (By the way, the securities were hidden in the cab.)
Oh, yeah, and there's the big, dumb cop. He fell in the bathtub for a truly mirth-making final fadeout!
A fine cast is worth repeating. But things being what they are... Okay, folks, that's it! Drive safely! See ya next week! Deposit your trash in the receptacles provided... well, okay, just dump everything on the floor everybody, that's fine too...

Detective Kitty O'Day is available on DVD from Retromedia as part of a 3-film set that also includes Private Snuffy Smith and Club Paradise -- plus a replica share of Monogram stock!

	Next is a 1934 short that's going to take us on a tour through Hollywood and let us look behind the scenes at an extravaganza being filmed. As the narrator puts it, "Hollywood can take us from a log cabin in Maine to a harem in far-off Turkey!"
The first thing we notice is that the movie studios all have basically the same signs on their walls, except for slightly different lettering. The narrator tells us that RKO has the most modern, up-to-date equipment. I never would've guessed.		Here's a peek at the backlot of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer; if you look closely, you can see the set from... well, actually, I've looked VERY closely and I can't tell. All I can see is what looks like a yacht in a very small lake. Louis B.'s "love boat"? Hmmm.
	Over in the casting office, we see the usual gang of extras looking for work, including a 4-year old who complains that she hasn't worked in THREE DAYS. She's just lucky she's 9 or 10 years too young for the casting couch!
After visiting with Busby Berkeley and a bevy of lovely girls, we step outside to find Rudy Vallee, who is probably on his way to meet up with that 4-year-old at the unemployment line.		"Vitaphone" could be a verb in those days! See the things you learn when you pay attention during old movies?
	Here's Pat O'Brien, who stays in shape by boxing (Ann Dvorak is the trainer). What they don't show us is that Pat's fighting Shirley Temple! And guess who's a "reg'lar guy"? Why, Cagney'll stoop so low as to let one of the stage hands light his ciggie. What a guy.
And now we see how a Hollywood picture is made, or at least a Hollywood picture that stars Hugh Herbert (who is shown applying his own makeup, which I doubt).		I have never seen this film that they're supposedly making, and imdb.com shows no hint of it. Could it be that... movies are just an ILLUSION!?!??
	Some of the "studio executives" gather together to watch the completed film(note Guy Kibbee on the right). We see a clip from the film, something about harem girls playing hide & seek with Hugh. They act as if he's the most attractive man on earth; I'm shocked none of them got Oscars. And that's how the magic of movies is made, folks.

	And of course now it's time for the latest episode of our exciting serial. As we recall, John Wayne had just been knocked unconscious, and he didn't fall back against a nice soft comfy couch the way SOME people in movies do -- he fell right onto the railroad tracks. The train started coming! Is our hero doomed? If so, this is going to be a dull chapter!
Okay, the train passes right OVER the Duke. And his girlfriend goes and gets a couple of RR workers who help Wayne get to his feet.		Wayne staggers off, and oddly enough, that famous "walk" of his (the one mimics always do) is in full view. Very comical.
		Mr. Grey is charged with being the Wrecker; he isn't, the Wrecker wore a Mr. Grey mask, in case you forgot. Grey is pretty ticked-off about the whole thing, especially when John Wayne -- who has just FOUGHT the Wrecker -- bursts in to tell everybody that Mr. Grey is the Wrecker only now he CAN'T be 'cause he can't be in two places at once. Or as Wayne puts it, "What are YOU doing here?!?!?"
Stratton calls Edwards, head of the RR, and offers to trade the gold he has for the evidence of his innocence that he says Edwards has. The Wrecker gets wind of it, though, and tosses a message to his thugs outside.
	John Wayne, being the John Wayne that he is, gets his hands on the message, too, and hightails it out to the ol' mine to trap the Wrecker before he can grab the gold. He stops on the way to beat a bunch of people up for no reason I could fathom. They must've deserved, it though.	Meanwhile, the Wrecker -- now wearing the mask of Edwards -- has the evidence and the gold and a gun pointed right at Stratton and Stratton's daughter,the latter of whom is Wayne's girlfriend, although Wayne thinks her dad is a RR detective, not a terrorist and ex-con. The plot sure is complicated for a Mascot, or are we just getting old?
		Okay, before the Wrecker can shoot anybody, John Wayne shows up, and the Wrecker retreats to the back of the mine, where -- with one bullet from his deadly .44 -- he hits a box of dynamite carelessly left at the mine entrance. The mine collapses on everybody.
	And naturally, that's our cue that we're going to have to wait seven full days to see how Wayne and his friends get out of this one. Ummm... they WILL get out of this one, won't they?

	And our feature attraction this week is a thrilling Monogram mystery from 1944. The words "Directed by William Beaudine" needs no further comment from me, except to point out that the guy could direct two movies and sketch out the next day's setups -- before lunch.
Oliver Wentworth is a very rich man. He’s got $100,000 in securities in a portfolio, and he’s got to leave town tonight suddenly on business. Luckily he’s got a very competent (and lovely) secretary, Kitty O’Day, who is on call 24/7.		Jean Parker, who plays Kitty, is perhaps best remembered (by me, anyway) for co-starring with Laurel & Hardy in The Flying Deuces. She was in one of the Inner Sanctum films with Lon Chaney, Jr., too.
	Kitty's a good secretary, but a snoopy one, listening in on her boss's phone calls. Stuff like that can get a gal in trouble. Anyway, she's got to work that night, much to her boyfriend's chagrin. He threatens to "kill Wentworth", which the equally snoopy cabbie overhears.
Over at the Wentworth mansion, Kitty discovers that the lights are out, the boss is in the shower, and there's work to be done in the study. She also discovers a creepy butler, which is practically a fixture of Monogram Pictures.		By the way, this is a MURDER MYSTERY, and we're going to reveal who the killer is. If you don't want to know, don't read on. Go read something else. It's okay, we understand.
	In the study, Kitty finds a mysterious note to Wentworth's bank, and an ornate lighter. She then goes in search of Mr. Wentworth; perhaps she wants to see if he needs help scrubbing his back.
Yikes! She found him. Not in the shower, though! And if he's nude, well, we all owe Mr. Beaudine a round of applause for showing the corpse in shadow.
The detectives are called in, and if you guessed they're going to be a gruff Irishman and his dim-witted sidekick -- a guy who "moiders da English language" -- well, you've seen Monogram mysteries before, haven't you?		This is Inspector Clancy (left) and Mike (right). They originally suspect suicide, but the coroner tells them that Wentworth was drowned in the tub and then hung. "Drowned and den hung up ta dry!" Mike observes wryly.
	Okay, on our left we see Mr. Jeffers, Wentworth's attorney. He's a lawyer, he's got a little pencil moustache -- I dunno about you, but he's jumped to the top of MY suspect list. On our right, we see Mrs. Wentworth, who has a "protégée " named Harry Downs. Through her eavesdropping habit, Kitty knows that Mrs. W. is shedding crocodile tears -- and a cat fight ensues. The cops break it up before it gets good, though.
	The letter and lighter Kitty had seen have vanished, so she and her boyfriend decide to snoop around Mrs. Wentworth's apartment. First, they have to sneak past the goony-looking desk clerk, who unfortunately isn't Frank Nelson. They don disguises and use a passkey to gain entrance.
The Widow Wentworth returns! Johnny Jones (the boyfriend; clever name, eh?) hides behind a screen and turns away so as not to watch Mrs. W. get undressed. We're not so prim, though.		Meanwhile, Kitty gets caught, so she pretends to be a maid with a Cockney accent that wouldn't fool a goldfish. Fools Mrs. W., though.
	But not for long. The cops are called, and Kitty and Jimmy take their act out on the ledge high above the city streets. Several minutes of hilarity ensue.
Inspector Clancy orders Mike to follow them out, see, and Mike is a big dolt, so it gets really, really funny. Well, maybe "really, really" is a bit too strong.		At this point, while all that funny stuff is going on, let's just mention that the whole gang returned later that year in The Adventures of Kitty O'Day. We probably won't be showing that In The Balcony, unless people request it. So we probably won't be.
	Kitty and Johnny duck in through a window and hide in the shower. Bad move, because Mrs. Wentworth's boyfriend is in there, stabbed through the heart. Kitty and Johnny are in big trouble now, although Mrs. W. is once again free to try and find a soulmate.
Searching Wentworth's office, Kitty finds the missing securities, but doesn't know what to do with them. Needing a lawyer, our Heroine and Hero go to Mr. Jeffers, and I have a bad feeling about the whole thing.		Jeffers advises them to give him the securities and meanwhile he'll hide them out in a little place he knows on the other side of the tracks. He promises to straighten everything out with the police.
	Hey, what's this? The lighter Kitty had seen at the murder scene -- on Jeffers' desk! I told you to watch out for this guy. He sees that Kitty is on to him, and secretly sticks a gun in her back. They're off to his secret hideout, but that cabbie looks familiar.
Johnny and Kitty are roughed up but good, but Kitty won't say where she hid the securities. So Johnny is dragged off to be drowned in the bathtub. Lots of bathtub murders in this movie. The corpses are going to be very clean.		Luckily, though, our pal the cabbie went to the cops 'cause he doesn't trust lawyers with thin moustaches either.
	The big dumb cop tries busting in the door -- but Kitty has broken free of her captors and opened it first. I tell you, this is one funny movie.
Johnny, the Inspector, and Kitty get together to solve the murders, but I have to tell you: I don't understand a single thing they said. Something about a gang dealing in stolen securities, but we KNEW that already.		They suggest Mrs. Wentworth was part of the plot, but they don't tell us for sure. So let's assume she was. At least she knows a lawyer. (By the way, the securities were hidden in the cab.)
	Oh, yeah, and there's the big, dumb cop. He fell in the bathtub for a truly mirth-making final fadeout!
A fine cast is worth repeating. But things being what they are...		Okay, folks, that's it! Drive safely! See ya next week! Deposit your trash in the receptacles provided... well, okay, just dump everything on the floor everybody, that's fine too...