We've received a couple of emails about our description of the Laredo TV series in last month's DVD Calendar. (We'll save you the trouble of going to look; we wrote: "Laredo: Season 2, Part 1 (Timeless Media, $34.98) If you remember this TV series, congratulations! You’re either better at remembering TV shows than I am, or you’re older than hell.")

Email #1:

"Thanks so much for the contagious spirit of fun that graces every aspect of In The Balcony. I must, however, take serious exception with the way you dismissed the television western "Laredo" in your latest DVD Calender. Although I've never seen the show myself, I've long felt that it's brilliantly conceived title represented something of a highwater mark in broadcast history. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it somehow seems infused with a stellar combination of good taste and sound judgement that sets it in a class by itself. Thanks again for all that you do. Warm Regards, Joe Laredo."

Email #2:

"I am not older than hell. It was a very good show. Check out the first season. Uninformed sound-bites are not clever or funny." [I'm not gonna mention this fellow's name.]

Our response: We spent hours putting together the DVD Calendar by going through a mountain of material; this was just about the heaviest month for vintage DVD releases ever. It's not our being "uninformed" that causes us to do unfunny soundbites, it's sheer laziness. Insult us properly please. But we wish to apologize to all Laredo fans out there, many of whom are probably (a) also named Laredo, we would guess, and (b) younger than us, or at least younger than hell, a place that is no doubt very old indeed. We'd google it and find out exactly how old it is if we weren't so lazy.

Funny, we insult TV shows all the time (That Girl, mainly, although we sometimes forget ourselves and insult The Doris Day Show in its place) but this is the first letter of outrage we've yet received. And so, to all you Laredo fans out there... We sincerely apologize and promise to direct our future snarky comments to shows more deserving of it. Like The High Chaparral. A show that not only we don't remember, but we had to do a spell check to even figure out if we'd spelled "Chaparral" correctly (we hadn't). Next time we're going to do a cheap joke, remind us to pick a show like Karen or The Loner, some crap NOBODY remembers.

Say, what is Ellen Richter looking so concerned about? Well, her brother's barely escaped being murdered in a deliberate plane crash, a rival pilot is trying to kill her, her only protector is the village idiot (and an INSURANCE SALESMAN to boot!), and she's thousands of feet above the earth on a FLIGHT AROUND THE WORLD. It's the thrilling 1924 serial, and it's one of just 16 films we're reviewing right now up at our Shorts Subjects Department. Click on the picture to ride the Balcony Magic Carpet to get there.

Speaking of classic cliffhangers, didja wanna see a great new poster based on the 1950s classic BLACKHAWK? Sure ya did. And hey, our buds at Hermitage Hill Media have released a swell 3-disc set with the 1938 Universal serial RED BARRY starring Buster "Don't Call me Clarence" Crabbe. So visit our CLIFFHANGER site already!

A pair of rare, odd, obscure, and completely nutty ROCK AND ROLL MOVIES now on view at our BALCONY REVIEW SITE right HERE.

No, The Purple Monster Strikes isn't coming out on DVD any time soon, darn it, but we thought you'd enjoy seeing this vintage mat ad. Dennis Moore was no great shakes as the leading man; he was okay, relatively handsome in an innocuous kind of way, and appeared in several serials, including Raiders of Ghost City, The Master Key, The Mysterious Mr. M, and Perils of the Wilderness. Linda Stirling, however, is perhaps our second-favorite serial heroine in the Balcony, right after Jean "Hubba Hubba" Rogers. We were lucky enough to correspond with Ms. Stirling several years ago, and she was a sweetie. An autographed photo of her as The Tiger Woman adorns our Balcony hallway.

The Purple Monster Strikes is a fun sci-fi serial released in the late summer of 1945; it would be the last of the Republic 15-chapter serials (the rest would be 12 or 13 episodes, tops). Roy Barcroft (whose name is, believe it or not, "The Purple Monster" in this serial... As in, "Hi, it's the Purple Monster calling. Is it too late to get a pizza delivered?") has come to Earth from Mars to scope out the jernt prior to a massive invasion of Martian might. He kills and then inhabits the body of James Craven. You'll see the same scene of Barcroft-becoming-Craven in just about every episode, but hey, that's why we insist you only watch one chapter a week.

Last time we checked, most Republic serials were still wasting away in the Lions Gate vaults. Shame on them. A boxed set with this and The Crimson Ghost would certainly make a colorful release, eh?

One can only imagine that somebody at Lucky Strikes got canned because THEY never thought to use the manager of the Paramount Cafe Continental to promote THEIR cigarettes, eh? Well, based on what we previously learned (see below) about Frank Sinatra, there was no problem on the set of such films as Sergeants 3 or Robin and the 7 Hoods with Dino or Frank bummin' a smoke off of each other. Both of those film, along with the original Oceans 11 and one or two others are on DVD as the "Rat Pack" collection. Frank and the gang didn't refer to themselves as The Rat Pack, and I don't like that term either, so we don't use it much here in the Balcony. Besides, if you've seen this place, you know talking about "rat packs" in front of prospective patrons is a BAD idea.

Incidentally, I know what you're thinkin', and NO, that is NOT Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo. Good guess, though.

So the Marx Bros. make five films for Paramount, and the last one, Duck Soup (1933), is not a success at the box office. Maybe 'cause it's the only Paramount film in which Harpo and Chico don't play musical instruments, or maybe Thelma Todd is sorely missed, or maybe in 1933 comedies about war simply aren't high on anybody's list of films to see. (I rank it third behind Horse Feathers and Animal Crackers in those first five films, but I still love it.) Anyway, Hollywood legend tells us that boy wonder Irving Thalberg over at MGM tells his buddy Chico Marx that the problem with Duck Soup was that it had too many jokes and not enough plot. "I'll make a Marx Bros. movie with half the laughs and twice the gross," he famously said, and -- sans Zeppo, who retired to become an agent or a tailor or invent the Zeppo lighter or something -- the Marxes moved over to Metro and made A Night at the Opera, a film with plenty of jokes AND plenty of story, including transforming the devilish, hilarious Harpo character into a mischievous guy who gets slapped around by the film's villain. One of the great characters and comics in movie history gets turned into a "battered spouse" to make him more sympathetic to audiences? Well, I guess that's why it's called "Show Business," but here in the Balcony we find it heinous. And that is our Marx Bros. story for the day.

On the set with Mr. Frank Sinatra. I have no idea what that was like (and I certainly hope nobody ever visits this website to find out about fascinating movie history, true cinema facts, or little-known anecdotes from Tinsel Town, because any such info would entail actual RESEARCH, and actual RESEARCH isn't nearly as much fun as watching an old movie and then pontificating about it at length in our trademarked blowhard manner), but... Where was I? Oh, yeah, Mr. Sinatra. I wouldn't want to be on a set with him. He scares me. I mean, if he sends me to go get him a carton of Chesterfields, I'm going. And I'm gonna RUN, too. And once I get to the store, if I discover that I forgot to ask him if he wanted Kings or Regular, I'm getting one of each. No, two of each. He is, after all, Sinatra. With a capital S. Nobody is as Sinatra as he is, nor ever will be, I'll predict.

We got a nice email from somebody who wants to know what th' hell Irving Thalberg did to Harpo Marx (see below). Well, we're gonna tell you that story (which entails no research). But not tonight; it's late, and I feel like a Chesterfields. And I don't even smoke.

The Harpo Marx I know wouldn't have "honked" for vodka; he would've stolen it, poured it over Edgar Kennedy's hat, and set fire to it. And then gone off to hug his horse. THAT'S the Harpo I know and love; what Irving Thalberg did to him is unforgivable if ya ask us. Watching Animal Crackers with my sister, Squeaky Gravy, several years ago, during the "bridge" scene in which Margaret Dumont exclaims of Harpo, "What's WRONG with that man?!?" my sis blurted out, "I was just gonna ask the SAME QUESTION." She loved Harpo, though, as bizarre and surrealistic a character as there was in movies for his first five Paramount films (1929-1933). So I'm takin' a shot of Absolut and toasting my fave Marx Bros. And then I'm gonna eat the bottle.

Some changes are a-brewin' here In The Balcony, as we've added some fun stuff like Image Galleries. For example,  visit our inthebalcony.com/cliffhanger site to find some nifty display ads from your fave comic book-type serial heroes and newly added movie double feature ads.

We're pleased as all get-out to tell you that Ready for You, the sixth sensational CD of fizzy, sassy and naughty songs from Janet Klein and her Parlor Boys is now available and it's every bit as wonderful as her first five, which is high praise indeed. Songs include Take a Number from One to Ten, Walkin' My Baby Back Home, My Canary has Circles Under Its Eyes, I Love a Ukelele, I Don't Know Whether to Do It Or Not, and the three that are getting the heaviest airplay 'round here, Have a Martini, I Ain't that Kind of a Baby, and Who's That Knockin' at My Door? You can order the CD from CD Baby.

Dave Kehr of the N.Y. Times reviews the VCI DVD of The Phantom Empire, calling it "the first watchable disc of the lunatic public domain classic" and raving, "long a victim of third-rate, public-domain releases on home video, Phantom Empire has been nicely restored by VCI." This is the DVD to which your Balcony Webmaster contributed bonus material, and is HE proud of it. Read the Times review HERE (you may need to register to view it). Then click on that big ol' cover of the DVD on your left and read what WE have to say about it, and see stills from it. THEN, go to amazon.com or deepdiscountdvd.com or even the VCI website and ORDER the darn thing. Accept no inferior substitutions.

"THANKS for those tips on foreign releases of the films we love so much!" - Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight and leonardmaltin.com.

"In The Balcony, a great website that covers classic movies." - TV/comics writer Mark Evanier, povonline.com.

"It IS fun in the Balcony, indeed!" - Randy Skretvedt, author of Laurel & Hardy: The Magic Behind the Movies.

"A great site with a unique look and style!" - Max Allan Collins, award-winning mystery and comics writer, director, and musician (creator of Ms. Tree and The Road to Perdition), maxallancollins.com

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